The Very First Love Letter

As you all know my marriage imploded a few weeks ago. I told Roger Darling I didn’t want to be married to him anymore. The words that I said killed us both. Broke both of our hearts. Made us quiet. Which we never have been. We like loud in our family. Our children were so mad at me. Rog wanted to blame everything on me. I was willing to shoulder it all. Lose my wonderful extended family. My children. My way. Lose my Roger Darling too. The only man that has ever loved me and not wanted something from me.

It was hard to sleep next to a man that I thought I didn’t want to be with anymore. It was hard not to talk to my kids every day because they were so fucking mad at me. I sat in D’s office on a Wednesday and just sobbed. Asked him why I was such a fuck up. Why couldn’t I keep hold of anything good in my life. I figured it was karma catching up with me, finally. I was getting paid back for all the horrible stuff I’ve done. The thoughts I’ve had. The lies I’ve told. He told me I was good. That this was something that needed to happen. That it was what I needed to do to get what I wanted. Which was to be happy again. To smile. I didn’t know then that that Wednesday everything would change.

I got home that night and found a happy Roger Darling. He had a note in his hand. My first love note from him in 23 years. We talked about our days while he rubbed my feet. The man hates feet! But he did it anyway, because loves me. He called me beautiful. Told me he didn’t ever want me to leave. Told me he shared the blame. That he was complacent. That he forgot to give me what I need, which was words. Touch. Don’t you worry reader, I rubbed his feet too. Because I believe if you worship me, I must worship you back.

Now there are notes, there are secret smiles, there is love and touch. Our kids look at us as if we are crazy. And we ARE. We want to keep everyone guessing. We may not be perfect, but I do believe we got this part right. Oh yes, there’s lots of sex too. Shhhhh don’t tell our kids that though. They think we’re too old for it. Ha!

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9 thoughts on “The Very First Love Letter

  1. I guess I missed the initial explosion. Let’s hear it for clearing the air. I think it’s remarkable you are in a long term marriage to begin with, no easy feat, but what really impresses me is how love always has the last say. ALWAYS!!! Happy for the Darlings.

  2. What a very wonderful story. I’ve been in your shoes… expressed the same heart as you… i’m so thankful that your wonderful Rog showed you the love he has for you. Kudos to him and kudos to you… why? Because you were able to express and he was able to hear… and the two of you threw down your defenses and knocked out all pride so that you could come together stronger… in love… and together…
    What a wonderful, wonderful story!!!!

    • Thanks so much for your kind words. The wonderful thing is the love story continues. We’re working hard every day. We love each other. I’m proud of us too. We’ve got work to do, but we’re getting there.

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