Yesterday it seems I forgot to take my own advice… I make sure to tell everyone that I meet, that I know, that I love that you have a decision to make every morning when you wake up. You have the decision to be happy or be miserable. I usually choose to be happy. Yesterday I forgot that advice. I chose to be miserable. With that decision came sadness. Sadness that I hadn’t felt in awhile. It didn’t make me want to eat or drink alcohol. But it made me feel. It gave me an incredible moment of clarity. It made me realize that I have the capability to create my own destiny. So when I got home I did just that. I changed my destiny. I ran, and I ran, and I ran.
I ran further than I have before. Harder than I have before. I ran without my ipod. I just THOUGHT about EVERYTHING. About the entire year. The transformation I’ve made. The work that I’ve done. The changes I’ve made in myself. Not just the physical, but the mental changes too. I realized a few months ago that I had to get professional help. I transformed my body, but not my mind. My mind needed changing just as much as my body did. My heart will always be the same. I love, I hurt, and I feel more than the average person. I’m sparkly. I feel everything. I just didn’t want to hurt anymore. So last night I just ran…..
I thought about not loving enough, loving too much, needing someone that doesn’t need me and not needing someone that really needs me. I realized I didn’t want to regress. I want to move forward. So I ran……
By the time I was done, Roger Darling was sitting in the lobby of the gym just waiting for me. He looked at me, sweating, out of breath, sparkling. He said, “Are you done yet”? I said, “Nope, gotta stretch out and do 100 ab crunches”. He just smiled and kept reading. That’s the beauty of that lovely man. He just lets me go. He knows I’ll come back to him when I’m ready.
Did the run change anything? No not really. But it made me feel fantastic. It made feel invincible. It made me realize it was time to make a decision. To walk away from the wrong one and make my way to the right one. So today I did just that. I do believe my life will never be the same. But it will be FANTASTIC!