I’ve thought extensively about this subject. How I feel it, how others feel it, how it heals, how it hurts, and how much we all need it. Whether we say we do or not. We need to feel it. For ourselves, and for the ones we care for. I’m a girl who wears her heart on her sleeve. I always have. I always will. It doesn’t matter how much I hurt when I love, it just matters that I love…. My love is fierce, and those that I care for know it. I will lay down my life for my loved ones. I say it and show it regularly. I’m not afraid to. I’m one of those that believes that if you feel it, you should say it. No matter the outcome. If you don’t say it, you are left with incredible what ifs and regrets in your life. And who the hell wants that?
I was talking to a friend of mine recently, (sorry I won’t share her name) but she was telling me that she wished that her parents had loved her as much as I love my children. I told her that I love her that much. That she is here for a reason and one of those reasons is to be in my life. To make it better. To make me better, she makes me feel that I am worth something, that I am her Nae. I discussed with her that our parents are our parents. They can’t help the way they are. But we can help ourselves by being better people. I told my angel that I know we hadn’t seen each other in many years but I know that when I see her again, it will be like there has been no distance or time between us. Because of all of the love that we’ve shared over the years.
I also think about how fiercely I love my children. How I would lay down my life for them. I would kill for them. They are my everything. I know that when they have children of their own, they will know the ferocity of parental love. They will cast their gaze on their newborn’s face and finally understand that love is infinite. There’s no way it ends. For if it does, it never was really there in the first place…..
I have a dear friend K, who is a Renaissance man. A big, bad voodoo daddy, biker, tatted up. HOT! He walked into my office one day and saw me crying. The man swooped me up in his tatted arms, hugged me, then told me that he loved me. He read me poetry to soothe my sadness. Ah the sparkly girl and the biker dude. What a strange combo we are. Can’t imagine my life without him. That’s love to me too. He has told me before that we could never date if we were single at the same time. We are too much alike. Isn’t that funny? Me being the same as a biker dude? HILARIOUS!
I think about Roger Darling. How long we’ve been together. Almost 23 years. I’m sure there’s days when he’s wanted to kick my ass. I know there’s been days when I’ve wanted to kick his. Being married for that long isn’t easy. We’ve been through a lot. We’ve loved a lot. We’ve lost a lot. The man is an orphan and at such a young age. He is my constant. If you don’t know what that means, watch LOST. No matter what is wrong, no matter where I am, I know that Roger Darling is there for me. He’s not only my husband, but my dear friend. He makes me laugh, makes me cry and makes me whole. Sometimes I lose sight of that. Fortunately, he always helps me find my way back to him…..
Some say you should guard your heart. But what’s the fun in that? Live life with an open one. Be smart of course. Don’t be taken advantage of. Be confident in your life. Be happy, sunshiny and funny. And LOVE. Love with everything you have. You only get to go around this life once. You might as well live it for all it’s worth….