Friday Fictioneers-Terminal

Special thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for this week’s prompt. Not sure how this will turn out. I do believe Rochelle is right. These 100 word stories can be quite addicting. All criticism and kudos are welcome. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

Copyright-Rich Voza

Jessie looks up from her laptop, and sees Ramona and Abigail standing in the hospital room doorway.

She asks, “What do you want?”

Ramona states, “We wanted to see you is all.”

“You two wrote me off months ago. Now that I’m terminal, you’re here? Fuck off!”, she responds.

Abigail starts crying, then Ramona does.

Jessie says, “Don’t you dare cry for me, you are only here to assuage your guilt. Get out.”

The two women turn and walk away, defeated. Jessie places her reading glasses back on her nose. Turns her attention back to the laptop and continues writing.

54 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers-Terminal

  1. Pretty Good, Ms. Renee. Especially When You’ve Got A 100 Word Limit.
    It’s Very Realistic, And I Could Honestly See Anyone Acting Exactly As The 3 Characters In The Story. Not Bad, Babe. Not Bad At All🙂
    -B.

  2. pretty strong stuff.

    When the end is near as we know it, the bitterness builds, as does the resentments, perspectives flare flying out the window, and people and feelings get hurt.

    Nice representation of this horrible emotional and physical state.

    Randy

    • I just realized that I never replied to your comment. Randy thank you so much for it. I’m loving Friday Fictioneers. It is such a great exercise in discipline. If you ever have constructive criticism for my work, bring it on.

      Love, Renee

  3. I think that, unfortunately, this is all too realistic. I’m one of those optimistic souls who hopes something happens so that they mend all the rifts, even the canyon-sized ones. 🙂 Well done.

  4. i like her attitude, and in her position, her way of facing the moment. even at this critical moment, she’s got guts. look at this line: “you are only here to assuage your guilt.” nobody i know would use the word “assuage.” it’s not wrong. it’s accurate, but it’s not a word anyone blurts out in a moment like this.

  5. Dear Renee,

    This was an incisive piece that introduced us to a strong character in a few words. Thanks for writing it. Ramona and Abigail probably don’t know what assuage means. good that Jessie returned so quickly to her writing.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Thank you for the nice comment Doug. I’m glad you liked the story. Of course she returned to her writing. She had a deadline. Her own death. Take care and have a wonderful weekend.

  6. Dear Renee,
    I for one would use the word assuage. However I found the word “pert” unnecessary. Am I nit picking? This story is powerful and to describe her nose seems to detract.. A lot of unsaid history between these women.
    Good job,
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

  7. Wonder what those two would have done to elicit such intense reactions from a terminally ailing woman. Whatever it was it must have cut very deep.
    Very intense scene!

  8. Bravo to Jessie. She’s my kind of gal. That’s exactly how I would have acted if I were “terminal” and certain people decided to visit me. And it would have given me pleasure to use the exact same words. Love this story.

    • Lora thank you so much for the kind comments. I liked Jessie. She’s a spunky chick. I know I would act the same way in her situation. I’m glad you loved the story. Please keep reading. Thanks again.

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