Friday Fictioneers-A Passing Fancy

Thank you Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for the prompt this week. Her story hit me right in the heart. It is poignant and emotional. I felt every word as I read it. Be sure to check it out. Rochelle is a genius.

coffee_in_mirror_02-1

It’s over Melissa. I have to go.

What did I do wrong? Tell me Miles.

You didn’t do anything wrong. We were merely a passing fancy.

I thought you loved me.

I do. I’m no good. You are so loved. I can’t compete.

I don’t want you to compete. I want you. You’ll never want for anything. I’m your girl.

You can’t be Love. You belong to someone else. I belong to no one. Never have, never will.

Stricken with grief, Melissa turns away. She stares through the stained glass window of the coffee shop and lets the tears come.

51 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers-A Passing Fancy

  1. Dear Renee,
    Good dialogue that flows and twists the knife though Melissa’s heart. My suspicious nature can’t help wondering what Miles is hiding.
    Me? Genius? Thank you for the compliment in any case. I’ll just butter my ears now so I can get through the door.πŸ˜‰
    shalom,
    Rochelle

    • Shalom my dear Rochelle. Thank you for the kind words about my story. I’m not sure what Miles is hiding, but I don’t think it can be very good. I was hoping the dialogue flowed well. Glad to hear that you thought so. Your story was genius and tugged at my heart for sure. Go butter your head so you can fit through the doorways of your home. Giggle, snort.

      Hugs, Renee

  2. I like this perhaps he truly loves her but doesn’t want to destroy her marriage, maybe she has kids and wrecking their world would be too much to bear…..Makes a man wonder. Good work.
    Tom

    • He does love her. He always will. He wanted her to realize that she had love, and shouldn’t be searching for it. She already had everything she needed. I’m sure she still misses him though.

      Thanks for the comments, Renee

    • I hope we didn’t get blood everywhere. I think Miles is a good guy that never loved a good girl. He let her down easy, because she was already with someone else. He had to tell her he was bad, when all he ever wanted was to be good. For her. Boomie my love, you humble me with your comment. I’m glad you felt it honey. It’s what I try to do with every story I write. Thank you.

  3. if you want to save a few words and sound just a touch more realistic, remember that when two people are talking to each other, they rarely use each other’s names – unless one is angry at the other. well done.

  4. “I’m no good”, uhuh heard that line before.. it’s a lie. lol ^^ oh well, i suppose if it’s for the good of everyone……. great story…^^

    • Thanks for the comment kz. It most definitely was a lie. He couldn’t handle loving a good woman. He’d never had before. He couldn’t tear apart a family either. He had to leave.

  5. I found this kind of hard to read – more punctuation would have helped, and in particular quotes around the speech – it’s easier to do without them where there isn’t also narration, but for me it made the last line particularly confusing.
    You’ve opened up lots of interesting questions here, about who these characters are, and how their stories fit together. Is Miles being kind or cruel, I wonder.

    • I appreciate your criticism. I only started writing last January. I’ve never been formally educated to do so. I’m kind of flying by the seat of my pants. A friend of mine told me I had raw talent and I should try blogging. I did, and my life is so much better for it. I realized that I have a passion that I had never tapped into. I’m doing that now. I know I need to take a creative writing class. Several of them. I know sometimes my punctuation is lousy. But I’m learning. With your help, I am learning.

      BTW Miles was being kind. He loved her but she belonged with someone else. Their relationship would have never worked.

      • I hoped so – sometimes saying goodbye is the right thing to do, even when it’s hard.
        I’m glad you appreciated the comments – I thought your story had a lot of potential, and I’m sure the “nuts and bolts” bits are easier to fix than a lack of potential, so keep working on it. I’m a compulsive critiquer, but those who know me well know I only bother critiqueing when I like the piece overall!

      • Honey criticize away. I need all the help I can get! And thank you for saying the story has potential. That means a lot to me. If you ever come across other stories of mine, please don’t hesitate to get out your red pen. I know I have a lot of work to do. With your help and others, I do believe I’ll get there. Thanks again.

        Yeah, Miles is a good guy. He’ll never believe it though.

  6. Dear Renee,

    Miles and Melissa’s tale was a good one. I like the way you responded to Rich and to Jen (Elmowrites). Between the two of them you will never go wrong. It is often hard to critique a writer and those that take the time and make the effort should be rewarded with thanks, just as you did. My hats off to you.

    And, by the way, you’re going to be a good writer. Keep on keeping on.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Doug,

      Thank you for the kind words. I do hope to be a good writer some day. I know my work is raw. I know that I have a lot to learn. If I’m going to write, I have be able to handle constructive criticism. For it will only make me better. Please know that I would never be defensive when it comes to criticism. I need to grow. Thanks again.

      Aloha to you,
      Renee

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