Friday Fictioneers-A Prayer and a Phone Call

Thank you Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for the following prompt. It was a difficult one for sure. I hope you all enjoy it. Actually, I hope it leaves you scratching your head and wanting more. Happy Friday my sweet friends. 100 words!

Copyright-Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Ba-ruch A-tah Ado-nai E-lo-he-nu Me-lech ha-olam a-sher ki-de-sha-nu be-mitz-vo-tav ve-tzi-va-nu le-had-lik ner Cha-nu-kah.

Rebekah strikes a match on the hearth. Lights the shammus and first Chanukah candle. Her two young sons stand by as she chants a prayer in Hebrew. When finished, she smiles to try to brighten the solemn look on their faces.

She says softly, “Daddy will be home soon.”

They remain silent and her smile falters. Even she doesn’t believe it anymore. The children wander back to the kitchen to continue their coloring.  The phone rings. She picks up the receiver and puts it to her ear. Hearing the words of the caller, her hands shake and the tears spill.

Genre: historical fiction

71 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers-A Prayer and a Phone Call

    • Hi Diana,

      I’ve missed you! Busy is good. I hope your life is going well. Mine is better now. Had a rocky start to 2013, but life is good. Come visit me anytime.🙂 Be assured that I’m still checking out your page from time to time.

      I appreciate the kind words about my writing. I just started participating in FF about six weeks ago. I’ve got to say I love it. It’s quite addicting. You should try it.

      Much love, Renee

  1. Good one. I’m going to assume it was him, and he was calling to say he was coming home at last. (Because I’m fed up of being a gloom and doom merchant.)🙂

  2. A good one. History fills the pages with thousands more stories much like our own, only real. Thanks for the like and follow on my story and blog as well. The best to you in your writing too.

    • Thanks very much for your comment Joyce. I’m happy to follow you. Please don’t be afraid to tell me if a story is bad. I need the criticism as much as the kudos.

      Love, Renee

      • It really was a good story. The feedback helps us all as writers, and in my case is always appreciated too. There is a good support team out there in the Friday Fictioneers group. It is interesting how we both got on the same vein of thought and idea with similar stories. Maybe it was the menorah.🙂 I am presently writing a novel (still in progress) based on much of my research of my own paternal grandfather’s German Russian family from Russia during the occupation of Germany in Russia during WWII and the Holocaust of the Jews there. So, the photo made it a good opportunity for me to use it for this little story since they were German Jews from Russia.

      • It sounds like a very interesting book that you’re writing. I’m enamored with the rich history of that time. Maybe when you’re finished you’ll let me do a test read.🙂

        XOXOXOXOX

  3. I loved how you left us guessing. Were her tears of happiness or sadness? I’m just not sure of ‘party calling’. I appreciate you didn’t want to write who it was, but maybe just ‘person on the other end’ might have been smoother. But just my thoughts…

    • I appreciate your comment. Let me see what I can come up with instead of party calling. Hmmmmm. I’m glad you got that I didn’t want you to know if the news was happy or sad. I want the reader to draw their own conclusion.

      Hugs, Renee

    • Thank you for the kind comments. But you have to draw your own conclusion to the story. Was the phone call a happy or sad one? Was he alive or dead? You decide.

      Love, Renee

  4. I like that you left it open-ended, although I assumed the worst. 🙂 And I really enjoyed the story.

    I think that “Hearing the words of the caller” or “Hearing the caller’s words” is less pretentious (although I don’t think you’re try to be pretentious) than “Hearing the words of the party calling” even though I freely admit it the author’s choice and may ring better to you. Even though it wasn’t my objective in mentioning it, you would also have a few more words to play with it you wanted to do so.

    Cheers,

    janet

    • I appreciate your comment. I will change the sentence per your suggestion. I didn’t like the flow, but with so little words to work with I wasn’t sure where to go with it. I wasn’t being pretentious. Believe me I don’t have one stuck up bone in my body. Giggle. I’m glad you liked the story. I did too.😉

      • I changed it up a bit per your comment. Thanks for the suggestion. As I’ve said before, I’m pretty new to this. Every piece of advice I’m given is appreciated.

        Love, Renee

      • That’s how we all learn. I started my story this week assuming everyone would know by the end that the letter was to the grandmother from the grandfather. After reading some of the comments, I realized I needed to change a few words to be sure that got through. It’s easy to think that what I have in mind is what everyone else will see too.

  5. Good stuff, Renee!!!
    You really know your subject, too.
    BTW, leaving people wanting more is a GOOD thing. It’s an old vaudeville saying …. always leave them wanting more.

    • Thank you my dear. A good writer must do good research, correct? I kinda left the story open so that the reader can decide how it ends. Did you choose happy or sad? I chose sad. Most readers chose happy. Either way the story ends, right? I appreciate your comments.

      Love, Renee

    • Hey kz,

      I tried to leave it open to the reader to decide how it ended. My take was that he was dead. So was yours. Many others believed it was a happy ending. I’m glad everyone chose their own ending. Thanks for your kind comment my sweet.

      Love, Renee

  6. Dear Renee,
    From the brakha over the candles to the phone call, you skillfully utilized the prompt. You’re either Jewish or a good researcher, either way, it’s a powerful story. The ending left me wanting to know more which is better than leaving me wishing I hadn’t started to read in the first place. Good job!
    Shalom,
    Rochelle

    • Dear Rochelle,

      I’m not Jewish, but I did do some research as I was writing the story. I think every writer should know the subject they’re telling a story about. I wanted to leave the end of the story open to the readers interpretation. It’s up to them to decide if he was coming home. Or was he dead. I’ll tell you, most people chose the happy ending. I’m glad they did. I however, chose the sad one…

      Thank you for your comments my dear. They are always welcome.

      Love, Renee

  7. Brilliant piece Renee, so sad too.
    The ending is open to so many questions, so many answers in the minds of your readers🙂
    Hope all is well with you, I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to get on WP, so I’ve got a lot of catching up to do!
    love n hugs
    xxx

    • Hello my dear Seadog,

      I wanted to leave the ending up to the reader. I’m glad you chose the sad one. It’s what I would have chosen too. But you never know. He could have been coming home. I guess we’ll never know.

      Love and hugs, Renee

    • Thanks for the comment and the compliment. I’m glad you decided for yourself what the outcome should be. I chose sad also. The beautiful thing is there’s no right or wrong answer to choose.

      Love, Renee

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