It’s Time to Hang it Up-For a Spell

Fairy in the flowers

Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt.-Vonnegut

Slaughterhouse-Five

Yesterday I was in the front yard, screwing around with my iPhone. I took loads of pictures. Don’t ask me how, but I snapped this shot while standing behind a flowering crab apple tree. I was smiling, I think. I smile all of the time. I may be falling apart inside, but there I am grinning like an idiot.

A few years ago, I was drunk and munching on country style ribs. My drunk self proceeded to bite down so hard on a bone, that I split my tooth all the way to the root. The following Monday, I was in Dr. Fear’s chair having my tooth extracted. It costs a small fortune to have an implant put in and then have the crown placed. Needless to say, I’m still missing a tooth. It doesn’t deter me from smiling though. Much to Adam Boy’s chagrin. He teases me all of the time about my gap toothed smile. Oh well, it could be worse.

If you’ve been following me for some time you know that I see my Super Therapist on a regular basis. He’s a great guy that makes me deal with my issues. I have many. Think Marilyn Monroe, but not as famous or pretty. Seriously, watch the movie, My Week with Marilyn and you’ll get an idea of what it’s like to live with a woman like me. Loving me is not easy and not for the faint of heart. I digress. Sorry.

As Super Therapist and I chatted yesterday, I realized that I’m not happy. My smile is there, but my heart hurts. I can’t tell you all why, but I will tell you one thing, my creativity is dwindling. My words are drying up, and I’m scared that they will disappear forever.

This Manic Pixie Dream Girl is going to take her leave for awhile. I’ll still participate in Friday Fictioneers, because I adore it. Rochelle and company have made me realize my potential and I’m so grateful. Think I’ll get my stories together for a book too.

I’ll be back, when everything is beautiful, and doesn’t hurt.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Love, Sparkly Girl

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54 thoughts on “It’s Time to Hang it Up-For a Spell

  1. You do what you have to do, Renee. If you’re happy and in touch with yourself, every other aspect of your life will fall into place. Mw thoughts are with you and it might be useless, since we barely know each other, but if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me. I hate it when people go through this and I know how lonely it can be, so I’ll do anything to help.

    • Thank you Daan. Your kind words I appreciated. So’s your friendship. It doesn’t matter that we have only now discovered each other. We have the rest of our lives to get to know one another. I’ll be back when my muses return.

  2. My sparkly friend you are every bit as lovely as Marilyn you need to step back and recharge those batteries to allow the flame that burns so brightly within you chance to regain its lustre, it can be so easy at times to paint on the smile and carry on hoping that if you fake it long enough it will become real but sometimes you have to let the sadness flow so it can drain away and let the light refill you. Look after you and be kind to yourself xxx

    • Oh Paula my dear, thank you for your kind words. I need to find my words again. I hate that they’ve escaped me. I’m going to go through my old stories and find some of my favorites. I’ll edit them, and compile a book. I think I was always meant to be a short story writer. I’ll see you soon. I promise.

    • You know my story more than my soul sister. The light will come back and I will sparkle again. Till that time, I’m going to edit some of my favorite stories. We’ll chat soon. XOXOXOXO

  3. Sending you Love Renee. I do know what it means to smile through the pain… in some ways it is “good medicine” … yet I know putting the happy sticker over unresolved stuff is not the way to go either. Awareness is HUGE – and you are there. You are a very gifted beautiful lady. Keep faith and Love – and take your time — always here if you need to lean too.
    ~ Robyn Lee

  4. I refuse to like this post…because I will miss you greatly…

    That being said, who said you had to smile through the pain here on your blog? THIS is where (or a place like it) that you should (note, I say “should”) be free to spill your guts and work through the pain…

    But darling, you know where to find me, and you know I adore you…with me, you never have to pretend…I’d rather have real tears than a fake smile from you any day…((HUGS))

    • I love you Kayla. So much. We’ll chat soon. I’ll start writing again, but I have some work to do to find my way back to happy.

      I just want to smile again….

      ((HUGS))

  5. I clicked ‘like’, but I no like! No like! I understand, but it pains me to see so many people who are unhappy that totally deserve to be! You take care of what you must, for you, and then come deal with the likes of me. Soon, okay?

  6. the words often come from the pain. It flows and needs an outlet or we will burst.
    Then they come from love, so overwhelming that if we can not share it we will burst.
    But bursting is not an answer.
    And then there are the moments in life where we shut down, close off. Live in our little protective shells. And we need the words inside to help us sort thru the pain.
    You will find your space. And we will see you when the words need an escape.
    When love turns them lose on us lucky few once again.
    Until then we hold you in our hearts. All of our best to you on your journey.

    • Beautiful words my sweet loneyheart. I love you for each one of them. I promise you the words will come back. Hopefully with a good erotic story. We’ll see.

      XOXOXOXOXOO

  7. Rest well, regather, recharge and revel in the knowledge that you will be missed and that so many people are waiting on the opportunity to cheer you back on stage. Even the Rolling Stones take breaks and look at how much more they are loved when they ultimately return. Be well, dear lady and live even better!

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