As Writers, We Lay Our Hearts Open

Trail of Glitter

Facebook status update: Any day is a good day when you leave your therapist’s office and don’t want to cut yourself.

Yes, that was my status update today. One of them, anyway. I’m a teeny bit of a Facebook Whore. It’s where my words started flowing, so stuff it if you don’t like it.

If you’ve spent any time at all reading my blog, you know that I’m an open book. I lay my heart open quite easily. Without trepidation. It mortifies my mother and other family members. That’s okay though. I say the things that many are thinking. Beware of the fearless woman with a potty mouth.

After I posted, a dear friend and fellow writer sent me a private message. Seems she was concerned about my comment and wanted to check in on me. I assured her that all was well. I’m happy, today. I can’t promise that I will be tomorrow. It’s kind of a crap shoot with me. If you think I like being this moody, I don’t. It’s who I am though.

Back to the correspondence between my friend and me:

Oh honey, it was supposed to be funny. I promise, I’m okay. I have bouts of depression and euphoria. Borderline personality disorder, anxiety and panic disorder, ADHD and a host of other issues. I’m also a sexual abuse survivor.

Today is a good day though. Life is good and there is a smile on my face. I would not trade what I’ve been through, but I don’t wish it on others.

I’m a funny woman, with a dark side. I need incredible amounts of validation too. I couldn’t write well if I didn’t have my darkness. Everyone sees a happy and sunny woman when they look at me. Little do they know there’s so much more to me than what’s on the surface……

Thank you for your message my friend. Thank you for your friendship. I want you to know if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I’m here for you too.

Always, Renee
The not always sparkly girl

As writers, we lay our hearts open. As our readers, you follow us to some places we wouldn’t even let a lover go. I’ve no idea why, but I think it’s what God wants me to do. Break myself open, and bleed all over the place. I figure somebody has to do it, it might as well be me.

Sparkle on my sweet friends. Sparkle on.

23 thoughts on “As Writers, We Lay Our Hearts Open

  1. “Any day is a good day when you leave your therapist’s office and don’t want to cut yourself.”
    I understand that completely! And I can totally understand your ups and downs, you dark side! I’m a bit like you, except for: ‘sexual abuse survivor’, ‘happy and sunny woman’.
    You’re a beautiful woman (internally and externally) and a great writer. I hope you can have spontaneous, sincere, silly smiles on you face everyday! Because is so bad when you try to find reasons to smile and you can’t find them… you can’t find your smiles anymore.

  2. Hope you get the Award ok..
    Email me your Facebook, I will add you if you like?
    My email is on this reply or top of my page..

    x

  3. Must be why I like you so much.
    I understand the dark. As I alluded to yesterday, people really don’t know the questions we don’t ask. I used to be chronically depressed, now, according to stroke psychologist, it’s more anxiety. I take an anti-anxiety that treats depression too. But I know it’s better because it’s not sitting right there on the edge like it used to be. My entire life feels more in my control. There are parts of my past I don’t share with people and, probably, won’t, but it no longer feels so much like hiding it as just not necessary. Make any sense?
    Scott

    • Thanks for sharing with me Scott. I’m still dealing with chronic depression. It doesn’t happen often, but watch out when it does. I do find that I write my best when I’m sad. The tragedy of broken hearts seems to shine even more. Well, maybe not shine, but you know what I mean.

      I also take an anti depressant for both depression and anxiety. I have a great therapist too. As for writing, that’s been a life saver too.

      I’ll keep laying my heart open. I know you will too. We’re kindred spirits after all….

      Love, Renee

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