Friday Fictioneers-Everything Has A Price

fleeting-copyright-indira-mukherjee

Shrooms shared with strangers.

Rebellious young woman, aboard a technicolor bus.

Trees are blue.

Sky,  green.

Tasting colors and seeing sounds.

Voices come to Melanie like the droning of adults on Charlie Brown cartoons.

Wah, wah, wah, wah….

Nonsense.

Thought there’d be free love.

No such thing.

Everything has a price.

Even sex without that word.

Wanted to be enlightened; intellectual.

Have to get off this bus now.

To go home.

Covered in grime from days with strangers.

Will a hot shower remove the dirt?

Of past, present, future?

Melanie exits the bus.

Extends thumb, to begin her journey home.

100 words/Genre: General Fiction

Thank you Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting Friday Fictioneers. Please be sure to go to her page and read the stories from other writers. We are a rather eclectic group. I welcome kudos and criticism. Bring it on!

56 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers-Everything Has A Price

  1. Your story fits the photo prompt perfectly. It has just the right ring to it, brings out the blur and psychedelic feel of it. Loved the line about droning on like Charlie Brown cartoons!

  2. Dear Renee,

    A slice of history that some of us recall intimately. Very well done. Only one little crit here. “Hippie bus going nowhere fast”. While it’s an apt description, it’s also a cliche. You might consider rewording it. Your call, but something to remember for future reference, particularly in pieces you send to editors. They’re kind of sticky about cliches.
    At any rate, it’s a beautifully written piece of poetic prose or free verse. You captured a moment in time with sensitivity and realism. Free love is never free, is it?

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • Dear Rochelle,

      I thank you for your honesty. I do have issues with cliches. I’ll think about how to re-word the sentence, and edit it. You know, I welcome every bit of criticism you give me. Writing for me is like breathing. I want the words to take on a life of their own. For me and my readers. Someday maybe, just maybe a publisher will feel the words too….

      You’re right, feel love is never free. As the title states, everything has a price….

      Love, Renee

      • I don’t know why editors are so hard on clichés? In certain situations, especially dialogue, clichés are a natural part of the way we communicate.

      • Yes it is, but as writers we can not rely on them so much. We need to make sure that we create new quotes, cliches and sayings.

        Thanks for the comment.

  3. You captured a time that many of us are familiar with, and fortunate to live through. I loved the pacing of this piece. It fit well in the presentation of the story.

    • Dearest Doug,

      Thank you for your kind comments. I did edit one of the lines per our friend Rochelle. She was right that it flowed better after the change was made. I’m glad the story captured your imagination.

      Love, Renee

  4. Pingback: Guess What everyone, Annie (Lowery) is co hosting the show (Morning Joe) today…. | Sunset Daily

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