Friday Fictioneers-Memories

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copyright-Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go. -John Denver

Shells from Key West, concert tickets, baby booties, pawns from board games played on rainy days. In a shadow box that has hung on their wall for 24 years.

How do Howard and Hannah divide their memories? Who gets the booties that the baby wore home from the hospital? Who takes the shells that they found on Smathers Beach?

May I have the booties? she inquires.

Yes, he whispers.

They pack their memories in separate boxes. Hannah seals hers closed.

I’m sorry, she says.

Stop it, he states.

Howard locks the Uhaul, raps on it twice before she drives away.

Genre: general fiction/100 words

Thank you Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting Friday Fictioneers. Please be sure to go to her page and read the stories from other writers. We are a rather eclectic group. I welcome kudos and criticism. Bring it on!

41 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers-Memories

    • Thanks dear. There are few changes to be made to it, but I believe you’re right. A bit of nostalgia is being brought about by the photo that Rochelle provided.

      Love, Renee

  1. Dear Renee,

    Tragic story with a ring of truth to all too many. You have a flair for writing about relationships.

    However, you could just about the strike the first sentence. It tells us what’s in the box but doesn’t really add much to the story. Perhaps start with something like, “How do Howard and Hannah divide twenty-four years of memories held in one shadow box?” Just a suggestion.

    Quotation marks are needed around dialogue bits.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • Dear Rochelle,

      You and Doug both had the right idea. I was a little under the weather when I wrote the story. Maybe I shouldn’t write when sporting a fever of 100 degrees. I’ll make the changes you suggest when I get a chance. Thanks for the criticism, you know it’s always welcome.

      Love, Renee

  2. Hi Renee
    You told us a lot about Howard and Hannah’s lives in this touching story. Packing their memories in separate boxes got me. I loved it, well done.
    Dee
    x

    PS – I confess, being a Brit I had to Google ‘Uhaul’ !!

    • Hello Love,

      How did I not know you were a Brit??? I need to pay better attention.

      Thanks for the kudos. The story was a sad one. I think they’re my specialty though.

      Love, Renee

  3. Dear Renee,

    If I click on that add below your story, do you get money? And will you split it with me if I click on it a lot?

    Great story. You might have had some more words to work with had you edited the repeated information in the second paragraph.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Dear Doug,

      I wish I would get money if you clicked on the ad. I think that’s the idea, but no one ever does.🙂 That’s okay though. True writers want to be read, not paid.

      Thanks for the positive feedback. I wrote the story while sporting a fever of 101.2. I’m happy I was able to write at all. xoxoxoxoxxo

      Love,

      Renee

  4. A very touching and realistic story. There is sort of a hollow emptiness in both of them during this moment. “Leaving on a Jet Plane” was a great song to associate with this little gem.

    • It’s a sad moment for both of them. For the one leaving and the one that stays. Doesn’t matter who initiated the break up, the ending always hurts both parties involved.

      Love, Renee

  5. An extremely painful story to read. I agree with your comment to Ted. Taking apart a life is not easy the longer you are together the harder the fibers are to separate. THanks for the follow by the way. I look forward to reading more of your stuff.

    • Thank you for the detailed comment. I do appreciate it. I’m finding that the truth is much stranger than fiction. I’m sure that the life we had will never really be completely unwoven….

      Love, Renee

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