Friday Fictioneers-I’ll Come Back to You

Copyright-Douglas M. MacIlroyCopyright-Douglas M. MacIlroy

“I’ll come back to you,” I say. “I promise you, if it’s the last thing I do, I’ll come back to you.”
Her face is buried in my neck. She nods.
“I’ll count the minutes until you do.” she says.”
Pittacus Lore, I Am Number Four

Miranda scattered a pinch of dried food in the koi pond, and the frenzy began. Hungry mouths skimmed the surface. Scales shimmered like oil stains on pavement in fresh rain. Satisfied, they fell away and continued mindlessly swimming.

Seated beside the pond, she thought of Jonathan. She said she’d wait for him. But days turned into months. Then months became over a year.

She continued to live, hoping he’d find his way to her.

Behind her, boots crushed gravel, ‘Been waiting long?’

‘All of my life’, she replied softly.

‘Am I welcome?’

‘Yes, my heart has always been your home.’

Thank you DCTDesigns for the song suggestion. I HAD to add it to my post.

100 words/Genre: Romantic Fiction

Thank you Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting Friday Fictioneers. I am so honored to write with such a great group of writers. Please be sure to go to her page and read their stories too. We are a rather eclectic group and the genres run the gamut.

I welcome kudos and criticism. Thank you so much for reading my work.

54 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers-I’ll Come Back to You

  1. I love that you waxed romantic. I too had a romantic version written but in light of the holiday posted the spooky one instead. I love the ease with which they love and the patience in her waiting. And this line was fabulous (to me), “Scales shimmered like oil stains on pavement in fresh rain”

    • Thank you for the kind words Tay. I appreciate you sending me the information. I want to see this movie now.

      I hope that I find a love that’s that easy someday. I sure do.

      I’m so glad my story made you ‘feel’. That means a lot to me.

      Love, Renee

  2. I am surprised that you haven’t found that love already? Or was it as it happens that lesser offers abounded and you ended up too difficult?
    Either that or the 12 y-o boy inside thang?
    THAT could frighten princes, charming or otherwise!

    Just kidding of course but until you get that film, maybe checking my Poetry Page ( yeah, shameless plug I know but hey, you did commit yourself so …😉 ) will feed excuses? I have also taken the long road as love goes, you see? *sigh*

    Love back then mylady, keep sparkling, Tay.

    • Tay,

      I did find that love and did my very best to nurture it. But I fell out of love with my husband. I’m on my own now, and learning to live. Someday I will have that unconditional love. Someday that man will know my unconditional love. It will be an easy kind of love. It will be perfect. And un-perfect.

      I hope you have it. I hope you know incredible love.

      Love, Renee

      • You speak ( write ) like an honest soul, Renee? The likes of which I believe nothing impossible for? Here’s to your happiness and hopes, cheers mylady!
        Tay, ooo

      • Your comment makes me all ooey gooey. Thanks so much. I write with my heart wide. I always will.

        Here’s to your happiness and hopes.

        Take care Love.

  3. I am very lucky I found mine that can take it. Men and their dominating moves. Have to hate them. It is insulting. WHen the man needs his love drawer paid attention too he just opens all those love drawers he knows are here and plays them all until he succeeds in swicthing it around. The woman has to give all her love drawer needs and constanly feed his to get a scrape of hers even acknowledged that she has one.
    Men here I would simply tell fuck off. I knwo my drawers and they are the same as your drawer.

    • I understand what you mean, but I believe that when love is right it should be easy. I hope it will be. I was married for 24 years. It’s time to take a break and figure out myself. It doesn’t matter that I’m not going to date, but it’s not my main goal. I want to write a great love story. I hope I can. I know I have it within me.

      I like alpha males. Not super dominate, but manly men.

      Keep your love drawers full and hopefully your love does too. Take care and thanks for the comment.

      Love, Renee

  4. Dear Renee,

    As always, you’re incurable romantic. Sweet story that has me wondering if Jonathan’s worthy of Miranda’s unconditional love.

    A couple of practical suggestions. Since Miranda is the only “she” in the story I think you need only mention her name once.

    “Hunger satisfied, they fell away…” Misplaced comma and if you think about it, you only need “Satisfied” since you used “hungry mouths” earlier.

    Aside from that, a sweet story filled with longing and tenderness. I liked it.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • Dear Rochelle,

      I am an incurable romantic, yes. But I’m realistic too. I write what I wish for. Yes, I do believe Jonathan is worthy of her love. There were things he needed to deal with in his life before he could with Miranda.

      I will make the edits you suggested. I’m certainly no English major. LOL! A good writer is only as good as their editor anyway. I think you’re pretty darn great at it.

      So happy you liked the story. I thought it was tender too. I hope to have a life like that someday.

      Love,

      Renee

  5. Dear Renee
    This is just perfect. You set the scene so well, I feel I was actually watching the fish being fed.
    A true love story, well done
    Dee

    (

    • Dear Dee,

      Thank you for the kind comments. I tweaked a little bit per Rochelle’s suggestions. It didn’t change the story though. Just made it a little tighter.

      I hope to find love like that someday. I hope you have that kind of love already.

      Love, Renee

    • Hi Ron,

      I believe that love should be easy. Even when we have to wait for it. I believe in honest and raw writing. I try not to muck it up with too many details. Just wide open hearts and love. It’s what we all wish for, isn’t it?

      Love, Renee

  6. I love it when poetry creeps into short story. Certainly, hungry mouths skimming the surface is evocative. But “Scales shimmered like oil stains on pavement in fresh rain,” is incredible. I love this piece, even though I think Miranda is too good for him.

  7. Dear Renee, As Oberon’s consort, or rather I tend to think of me as his good sort, he has asked me to comment on the work done by the good folk who follow him, for whatever strange reason that may be. Your story above is heartfelt my dear lady, I wish Oberon could say such things to me. However I shall struggle on against his adversity, meanwhile you keep up this marvellous writing. Love Titania.

    • Dearest Titania,

      Thank you to both you and Oberon. I’m honored by your kind words. I’m wondering if maybe I should elaborate on the story. Maybe write a short story, or perhaps a novella. I think their story is worthy of it.

      May Oberon come to you and love you as you deserve to be loved.

      Love, Renee

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