God Said Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

moneypit

Ha!!! Hahahahahahaha!! Hah huh, ha huh, ha huh, ha huh! Huh, huh, huh, huh! Ha!!!!!!!!

On Monday morning I planned on writing a journal entry, after my work was finished of course. Hell, I planned to follow the format that I’ve been trying to follow for about three months. But something always seems to fuck it up.

Catching up on email at work on Monday morning, I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Cliche I know, but it’s how I felt. The sentence that squeezed my heart stated that two staff members would be directly affected by an Administrative Services Transition. I knew it was my job that would be eliminated. It was surreal to think after almost 25 years, my job might be gone. After speaking with a colleague I decided to talk to my director and tell her that I thought it was me that was going to get laid off. She confirmed my fears and waited for my response. We’ve worked together for 18 years, and she knows me. My initial reaction usually is to cry. This time, I didn’t. I sat in the blue canvas chair across from her, and felt strangely at peace.

I’m not sure if it’s the latest changes in my life. Alcoholic’s Anonymous and being sober for over four months. Being newly single. Or learning to let go and let God. But I was composed while I sat in my mentor’s office. Resigned to the fact that my job would be eliminated as of April 1, 2014. With the news came opportunity. A chance to interview for new leadership positions with Shared Services. To start a whole new career. It’s not something that a 45 year old, newly single and sober woman looks forward to. I’m kind of a weirdo though, so I say, bring it on.

At the end of our meeting, my director and cherished friend hugged me fiercely. I’m not sure how I’ll handle not seeing her smiling face every morning. When I leave, she’ll be the one that I miss the most. Her guidance over the years has made me a good employee. Her faith in me has been unwavering. For all the times that I’ve stumbled, she has picked me up and encouraged me to set my feet on the right path. I love her. Without her support and tough love, I don’t know where I’d be.

Now I’m updating my resume, creating a professional profile, writing a cover letter, perusing job postings and buying a new business suit. Fuck, I haven’t worn one of those things in years. I was hoping I’d never have to again. The one constant in my life is being ripped from me, and all I can think is, it could be worse.

Maybe next week I’ll get to follow my blog format. Maybe next week I’ll write every day. Maybe next week life won’t turn on a dime. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe not.

28 thoughts on “God Said Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

  1. Oh, Renee, so sorry to hear the news! But I think the bright side is that you do have time to find another path…I’ll just share that my hubby was laid off in ’93 after being at his job for 5 years. Yes, he was the newbie, but working for a municipality, we thought he had job security. Budget cuts came and he went in one day…no warning, just was called into the office, given the pretty pink slip of paper and he walked out without a job. We had just bought our first house and our daughter was 2 yrs. old…as we look back the funny part is he called me and I met him at a restaurant where we both had a couple of drinks for lunch! And thought, now what? Well, we had savings and somehow managed. However, he had to take some “cut in pay” jobs before he got a better one, but we survived.
    The moral is “you will, too” even though now it seems daunting…I send you many hugs and will keep you in my prayers and good thoughts for a wonderful new door to open. Also, I’m posting a photo on my poetry fb page, “New Day, New Dreams” with your quote and you and your blog are credited on the photo. For some reason, I couldn’t move forward with a poem, so I hope you like what I did…by the way, if you haven’t already, would you mind “liking” my page?🙂 I’m shooting for my 500 milestone and am so close..another silly thing to do in life! Anyway, sorry for another book, but take care of YOU!
    Lauren ♥

  2. Hah! They have played right into your hands!
    You can now go travelling, just as you declared last week.
    You can now write full time, just as you have wanted to do for so long!
    Don’t let them know your secret, the fools🙂

    • My darling Nick,

      I wear my heart on my sleeve, but my secrets are only known by a chosen few.🙂

      I will travel. I will. I will write my book too. I will. Life will progress and I will flourish. I will.

      Love, Renee

  3. So sorry to hear about your job – at least you have some time before it disappears to sort things out.
    And well done on your 4 months sobriety:-). I seem to recall I was a bit of a headcase at 4 months!

  4. Renee,
    “Maybe, maybe, maybe”- the chant of the tested. I too have found life continually dropping shoe after shoe in my lap. I never knew I had so many shoes. But I am so glad to hear the lioness arose in you. When it comes to growth I find we often have to peel the layers of ourselves to our core to reveal its gem. And life has a way of redirecting us when we least expect it. And if you’re anything like me sometimes you need a good boot in the ass to make sure you get on the right path. Sounds to me like you’ve been kissed by Minerva. Go get um!
    Dana

    • Dana,

      Isn’t life all about the ‘maybe’? I’m going to take this test and win it. I pray I do. There’s nothing to do, but move forward. I refuse to stay still. I will be okay. You will also. You’re right about the boot in the ass. I need a good kick every once in awhile to know I’m alive.

      Love, Renee

  5. Yehaaa! You do realise what this means don’t you? The universe knows you’ve just been through the toughest assignment on earth and now it has total confidence that you can now move into a better place for yourself. Just remember that it also knows exactly what you need, not what you want. So let it all go. Worrying about 100 things that may happen is completely useless as 99.9 don’t even happen anyway. Follow your heart, let it be in charge and ask yourself, ‘what do I actually want to do now, what feels right, what direction should I take’. And to really show you how profound this is, you’ve got until April 2014 to make up your mind. Start now, think about what you really want to do, make enquiries and you can start your own path instead of always bouncing around to what is thrown at you. Man, what I wouldn’t give to be in that position. Anywhere I’ve worked you get 2 weeks notice and wham, take whatever you can get and be thankful it isn’t the rubbish heap. Go for it Renee, chance of a lifetime. May your request for your truth point you in your hearts direction. Namaste

    • Oh Mark I’m so honored by all of your kind words. I know that everything happens for a reason. Some things we have to decide for ourselves, but there is fate, kismet and serendipity. If fate gives us an opportunity, then we must follow it. How will we ever live if we don’t try?

      There are things that I will do and things that I must do. I will take this kick in the ass and run with it. No matter where it lead, I will revel in it.

      Time to get cracking on my bucket list. Right, like I haven’t started it already.🙂 I think it’s time to start acting on it.

      Love, Renee

  6. Keep smiling and being positive! God always works things out – you just have to wait on it. I am so glad to hear you are not allowing possibles to derail you; after all, if a negative is possible, so is a positive!
    Your life sounds so much like mine!
    I miss talking to you, but know how busy you are.
    Smile and know you can write and vent if you need to.
    Love ya, Dear,
    Scott

    • Hey Scott,

      I always have time to chat with you my dear man. You know my email address. Chat me up anytime. I hope you’re well. Been thinking about you lots.

      I’m positive because I know no other way to be. I can’t dwell in negativity, as it does me no damn good. I’ll keep praying and working hard. You do the same.

      Love, Renee

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