Friday Fictioneers-The Solo Trip

Copyright-D LoveringNot all who wander are lost.-J.R.R. Tolkein

Miranda had been promising herself a solo trip. Her mother worried she’d get lonely, or worse, mugged. What mother failed to realize was Miranda savored her time alone.

Wandering the winding streets of cobblestone, she found a coffee shop and purchased a cup. Greeted with sounds of the village coming alive, she continued her stroll.

It took forever to get here. A debilitating accident. A slow recovery. Now there was chronic pain.

In the village square she was surrounded by tinsel glimmering in the sun. It lit her blonde hair and warmed her skin.

Finally, she was a soul at peace.

100 words/Genre: general fiction

Thank you  Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting Friday Fictioneers. It is an honor and a privilege to have Ms. Rochelle critique my work. Please be sure to go to her page and read their stories too. We are a rather eclectic group and the genres run the gamut.

I welcome kudos and criticism. Happy reading.

40 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers-The Solo Trip

  1. Renee, This may sound odd but I wanted the last sentence to begin with “Finally” and end with “soul at peace”. I wanted…… her (me) to be left with peace not how long the journey took to get there. I’m demanding the character (me) be rewarded for her fight. Loved this character- a strong independent fighter.

    • Hello Love,

      I’m going to make the edits you suggest. I think you’re right that it will pack more punch and prove her independence all the more. I’m so glad to hear you felt the story and you identified with the character. In some way, all of us independent women do.

      Love, Renee

    • Dearest Helena,

      I’m working on being peaceful everyday. I stay positive and give love as much as I can. Girlfriend chat me up anytime you want. I have an email address you can use, shygirl4429@yahoo.com or you can make comments and I will ALWAYS reply to them.

      I can’t wait to read your story. Love you sweetie. I surely do.

      Love, Renee

  2. I like this a lot.. how lonely walk on cobblestones can heal a person.. sitting by yourself in a cafe, being the observer.. carefree.. I like that you never tell what pains she is trying to recover from.. but I like the end.. and that she finally has recovered…

    Hope you are all well.. it’s been a while.

    • Hi Sweetheart,

      Yes, it has been awhile. I’ve decided to start writing again. And posting stories for Friday Fictioneers of course. I’m glad you liked the story. Sometimes we don’t need to know the entire back story. I’ve learned we should omit the details that don’t matter. Plus we do only have 100 words. Giggle!

      Can’t wait to ready your submission. Love you my dear man. Thanks for the comment.

      Love, Renee

  3. It’s a good story & makes me feel as if it’s really happening. You’ve made a few slight mistakes. Didn’t you mean to say winding where you said wending? On another line you said~:A debilitating accident. A slow recovery. Neither is a sentence because of lack of a verb. It can be very easily fixed. I’m sorry for being such a nudge about grammar.

    • Hi there,

      You are correct that it should be winding, not wending. I made the edit. As for the short sentences, I had to limit my words because we only get 100 of them. I am very disciplined and will do everything I can to write a story with that exact amount. I’m a fellow Grammar Nazi except with flash fiction. Come back and read my other entries. I promise I write some flowery shit. Giggle.

      Love, Renee

      • Have we been through this before or what? I can remember,within the past week, having had exactly this very conversation with a woman here, right down to the reference to grammar Nazis. Larry

      • I don’t think we have spoken before. But I do believe many of us writers long for perfect grammar. From ourselves and those we interact with. I used to correct my kids all the time. They are in their 20’s now and understand the importance of proper English when speaking and writing.

        I’m such a tyrant about it. Giggle.

        Love, Renee

  4. This story has a lovely mood – gentle and positive, with the underlying tension of the traumatic experience, Renee. I’m with Bjorn that I like that the accident and aftermath isn’t explained – it’s enough that the details sit under the surface. I like your use of the fragmented sentences, ‘A debilitating accident. A slow recovery.’ They reflect the accident – short, shattering and crucial to the story.

    • Hello there and thank you for your comment. I want you to know that your final sentence made me teary eyed. I’m glad you ‘got’ the story. It’s a bit of an autobiography. I was in a major car accident a month ago, and my right ankle was reconstructed after 5 hours of surgery. I’m praying for a full recovery in 3 months. But I could have to get 1-4 surgeries, fusing of my ankle or worst case, amputation. I pray for 3 months and then PT. But have to be prepared for the worst. After I finally recover a solo trip is planned. Not sure where yet. We’ll see.

      Love, Renee

      • Hi Renee. I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through such a difficult time at the moment. Even more reason to admire your positive and strong attitude to the things that test us. I send you all my heartfelt wishes for your complete recovery. All the best, Karen

    • Alone is good. I’m not one to be lonely. I can sit in a crowded Starbucks and speak to no one but the barista and feel at home. Give me a notebook and a pen and I’m incredibly content. It’s fun to sit back and look at all of the patrons. I love to make up stories about them. I bet you do also.

      Love, Renee

  5. Dear Renee,

    “In restless dreams I walked alone,
    Narrow streets of cobblestone”
    …Sounds of Silence, Simon and Garfunkle.

    I couldn’t help but hear the song. And it fits well with your autobiographical story. I hope you’re healing and are a soul at peace.

    I’ve nothing more to crit. A good story with heart and pathos.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    • My dearest Rochelle,

      You humble me when you write you have nothing more to crit about my story. And to tell me you heard a Simon and Garfunkle tune while you read it makes me feel profound joy.

      Everyday brings me closer to recovery. My body aches, but I know, it could have been so much worse. I’m working at being at peace. I’m getting there. And after recovering I’m going somewhere by myself. To London, hopefully.

      Love, Renee

  6. Dear Renee,
    It takes a brave mind to expose your soul to the world. And you did it in such a lovely way. I hope and wish everything turns for the best. What I can tell you from my own experience, your inner strenght and resilience can fly you to the moon. I have a feeling you’ll be just fine, your story vibrates with hope and strenght.

    • Thank you for your kind comments. I know I’m strong but dammit I’m exhausted. I’m so glad you liked the story. We writers write what we know, don’t we?

      Love, Renee

  7. a wonderful inspiring story. even through the worst of times and the chronic pain, your character stays strong and overcomes all the obstacles to fulfill life goals. lovely story, Renee. ♥ sending healing energies to you…

  8. Great piece. Full of feeling and emotion.
    I don’t think sentences have to actually have a verb. The verb can be implied. It’s about communication/understanding rather than rules. Solidarity!

  9. Loved the positivity and the fierce independent spirit of the protagonist in this story!I have always admired such strength in people who face such situations-to me it is a mark of true courage!A beautiful story Renee and I wish and pray that you recover from your accident,completely.I have a close friend who was in a horrific bus accident and broke her collar bone and her right foot was so badly damaged that at one point they were not sure if they would be bale to save it but through sheer grit and determination,she made it through .It required 6 months of hospitalisation,4 surgeries and almost one and half years of rehab but she made it-with a smile.Last Dec ,her older daughter got married and she was constantly on the move-Indian Hindu marriages have long drawn rituals but no one could have guessed that she had been through so much.I can see from your writing that you too are all steel and so I am sure ,you too will come through all this ,healed and whole-God be with you,lots of love,tc

    • What an incredible comment. Thank you so much! The story you shared about your friend reminds me that there are other women that are just as determined as me. She had it far worse than I did. How she made it, I’ll never know, but the story gives me hope. Thank you for it. On the days when I get down, I will remember your story and find my strength.

      My mother said she’s never seen me show such determination and positivity. I don’t have any choice. I will not lie down and die. No way. We all have setbacks. How we get through them determines our character.

      I hope we keep corresponding and reading each others posts. It’s good to meet you sweetie.

      Love, Renee

      • Your indomitable spirit shines through Renee-so I knew I had to share my friend’s story with you-she is a phenomenal woman and we were classmates in school:-)I am so happy that you are determined not to let life beat you-I wish you all the best and will keep praying for your good health,lots of love and yes,we sure will keep reading each other at FF,tc and God bless xx 🙂
        Atreyee

  10. A lovely story about determination to carry on despite physical problems. Well written. I, along with the others, sincerely hope the best happens for you, Renee. I understand perfectly about being alone. I’m also one of those people who finds no problem with being by myself. It can be very peaceful.

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