Friday Fictioneers-Of Writing, Rituals and Love

hokusai4rwf

copyright-Douglas MacIlroy

 

Penny sat across the room from Steven. The ritual of lit candles was completed and it was time to write. Her fingers rested on the home keys, but no words came. Instead, she eyed her new husband.

He was yelling at the television, which she found endearing. As the years progressed, would she begin to hate it? Would he loathe the way she savored her writing time? Penny sat the laptop down, walked over and cuddled up next to Steven.

‘Love, you taste like peanut butter.’ He kissed her.

‘Yeah? Well, you yell at the television like my father does.’

‘Round about 100 Words/Genre: Romance, of course

Thank youΒ  Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting Friday Fictioneers. It is an honor and a privilege to have Ms. Rochelle critique my work. Please be sure to go to her page and read their stories too. We are a rather eclectic group and the genres run the gamut.

I welcome kudos and criticism. Seriously, rip it up if you want.

 

22 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers-Of Writing, Rituals and Love

  1. Dear Renee,

    Yes. In a few years or less, she’s going to find his yelling at the TV intolerable. I suspect he will resent her escapes into her writing. Color me jaded. πŸ˜‰

    Sweet story. A couple of nitpicking for your consideration.

    The last couple of lines. Their conversation is teasing and playful. We can see this without being told. Never spoon feed your readers. πŸ˜‰ Example:

    “Love you tasted like peanut butter.” He kissed her.

    “Yeah? Well you yell at the television like a______.”

    As always, these are suggestions. The rest is up to you, dear writer.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

  2. Dear Renee,

    The last two sentences of this very good piece will resonate more powerfully and with less words if your remove the teases. The mood is clear, the love palpable and the questions perfect. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Dear Doug,

      I’ve removed the extra words. I didn’t like them either, but I was trying to have the story be exactly 100 words. I’m such a stickler. LOL So glad you liked the story.

      Love,
      Renee

  3. So warm.
    There are many answers to find when a relationship is new… may be one day, years from that moment, she will remember it and have her answers.

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