Fuck the Emptiness That Holds Over You!!!!

F U

Happy ‘Fucking’ Thursday my friends. May it be a good one.

Love, Sparkly Nee

Advertisements

Our Only Constant is Change

I attended a training session on how to make myself marketable for a new job venture at the university that I’ve worked at for the last 25 years. Basically, the ‘instructor’ wanted me to market myself as a product. Like a gym shoe made by Nike. A car for Motor Company. Or  a new formula type of soda made by Coca Cola. I was shocked. Here I am, a human, being told to liken myself to an object. As you all know, that’s not me. I am very flawed individual. I’ve  shared that fact with all of you on many, many occasions.

One of the things they told us to do was change our privacy settings on Facebook. Basically hide who and what we really are. In my mind, I stomped my feet like the insolent child I am, and adamantly opposed doing so. It didn’t matter that no one in the room knew of my rebellion. I did, and that was all that mattered. I’m an author, and I have to write. I want my words read. And felt. And shared. So the setting stayed public.

At our break, I met a fellow employee that I had corresponded with over email and the phone. We hugged and laughed. And talked way too loud. We were then shushed by the ‘instructor’. I nearly lost my ever loving mind. I wanted to say ‘fuck you’, I’m talking to a human being and I don’t have to take your shit. My colleague and I stared at each other in disbelief. She shrugged her shoulders. Everything was changing around us. How we ‘marketed’ ourselves. Our jobs. Our lives. Even the interview process was going to be sterilized for us.

In retaliation to the shushing, I hugged my colleague again. Once seated, I jokingly told the ‘instructor’ we were colleagues that had never met. She looked at me coolly and said, ‘isn’t that nice.’ No smile. No warmth. Barely an acknowledgement that we were all going through incredible changes. She was a consultant and clearly didn’t give a shit. All she was focused on was getting through the workbook that we were working on.

I sat through the rest of the ‘workshop’. At the end, I silently left the conference room. Never looked up at the ‘instructor. I just kept my head down and walked out. And vowed that I would not attend another ‘class’. I did jump through the hoops of the resume and interview process. I waited patiently to find out if I’d been promoted. I guess 25 years of experience and supervising employees for 15 years results in a lateral move. I wouldn’t be supervising anyone. I couldn’t believe it! After a week of knowing my fate, I’m still struggling with the decision they made.

Now, I’m on extended sick leave until at least the middle of June. A major car accident and lengthy recovery reminded me that impulsiveness is a very, very bad thing. I know I have a job when I return. I’ll be back at my beloved faculty and staff at the SSW. For how long, I’m unsure. I’ve rediscovered yet again, that change is the only constant in our lives.

If I have to move to a new location that’s fine. It’s closer to where I live. I’ll walk to work.  I can’t wait to see my colleague from the ‘workshop’ we attended. I’ll give her tons of hugs, and talk too loud. You see, these folks at my new place of employment have no idea what they’re in for when I finally settle in. No idea at all. I’m a leader, not a follower. I have big plans, and they don’t include sitting in a cubicle till I retire. I’ll do it, for the pay.

But my heart, ah yes, my heart, it will be living for another place altogether. It will be in the country on a blanket spread out in the backyard. French Bulldog lying in my lap. Pen and notebook in my hand. Flowers in my hair. And dirty bare feet. Yep, that’s where my heart will be….

marylinandrededienes-468x482

Tunesday-Brave

57142_20130126_070025_tumblr_mcw775xPHd1qgc5rxo1_500_large

You can be amazing…. You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug…. (Yes, I would totally do what these dancers did. I would dance with no music, for no reason. I WOULD!!!!)

Good Tunesday my loves. Sorry I’ve been away for so long. Life has changed drastically in the last week or so. I’ve moved out and am living on my own for the first time in my adult life. The silence is sometimes deafening, but I’m keeping busy with household projects. I’ve been visiting friends and trying to learn to do things on my own. Trying to brave.

I’m learning to be truthful in my pursuit of happiness. To think not only of myself, but the others that my quest affects.

My advice, open your heart and mouth. Screw up the courage within and speak your truth. Be prepared, because the outcome ain’t gonna be pretty. Cry your heart out, wait for the dust to settle but be strong in your convictions. Move forward!

Not everyone is going to like what you have to say, or the path you decide to take. Live your life, without selfishness. In time, you will forgive yourself. Hopefully, others will forgive you even if they don’t fully understand your motives. You. Must. Choose. Your. Path.

Your future depends on it.

I dedicate this post and song to those in my life that are searching for courage. For their chance to roar. It takes 20 seconds to speak up and change your life. Make yourself heard and love with all of your heart and soul.

I wanna see you be brave.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX,

A Sparkly Girl

P.S. I’ve written a short story for my Romantic Wednesday post. With a little editing, it should be perfect.

Scar Tissue

Time heals all wounds

No words from me today. I’m going to let Rose Kennedy tell it. Er, well, she’s dead so she already done told it. You get the gist though.

As I’ve said before, I’m all about heart connection. If you break my heart, I move on. The break will make me stronger.  My heart more resilient. I will connect and love again.

(Okay, so I lied. I had a few choice words. At least I didn’t say the F word.)

She and Her Subject

“A picture is a secret about a secret, the more it tells you the less you know.” ― Diane Arbus

She looks through the viewfinder at her subject.

What’s in her mind we’ll never know.

She sees beauty where we see monstrosity.

She sees happiness where we see torment.

She looks through her viewfinder at her subject.

What’s in her heart we’ll never know.

She sees life where we see mortality.

She sees freedom where we see shackles.

She looks through the viewfinder at her subject.

What’s in her soul we will never know.

This is her art.

Her passion.

Her life.

With a press of a button.

And click of a shutter.

The secret is captured.

The photograph is a sight to behold.

For when we gaze upon it, she has made sure that we are transformed.

Forever.

To Smile is to Awaken

I just like to smile, smiling’s my favorite-Buddy the Elf

(I included a photo of Judy Garland because of the music link at the end)

This  morning I was heading down South University Avenue to grab a coffee at my favorite Starbucks Coffee shop. They know me there. By name. I love that. They love that I always tip. No matter how much or little I spend there. My order is always the same. Venti dark roast (preferably Komodo Dragon Blend), five pumps of caramel, two Sweet and Low and room for cream. I have a Gold Card so I always get my syrup for free.

As I walked down the street, I smiled. A genuine one. I’ve been told that smiling is infectious. I found that to be true today. Each person that I came in contact with, either smiled back or said hello. It gladdened my heart and made my smile broader. It’s simple really, to smile. I found that the more I’ve smiled today, the more positive I’ve become.

Life hasn’t been easy these last few months. With injuries to my body, mind and heart. Day by day life gets easier. If not easier, better. I’ve learned that I can’t change those around me. That I must change. My attitude, my mind, my heart, my life. For if I do that, my positivity projects to all of those around me. What better way to start that process than with a warm smile, a kind word, and a genuine interest in what someone is saying to you?

This week, Sexy Soul Star, one of my favorite bloggers asked the question are you a “Waker” on their FB page. Meaning do you have the gift of waking those out of their metaphorical slumber. Below is what I posted on the Sexy Soul Star Facebook fan page. Please check the blog and the FB page out. Such beautiful photos and powerful words come from this fantastic man.

I do believe I am one of these “Wakers”. I’m not trying to sound arrogant or anything. But I feel the urge to help people whenever I can. I speak the truth, give support and nurture. It’s what I was born to do. One of my daughter’s dear friends came to me recently and told me that I helped save her life. That she was close to suicide and then read one of my blog entries. Told me it changed her life. I’ve never felt so helpless and helpful at the same time. I guess that’s why I tell my story on wordpress. To change one life with my words, means that I’m a success. 

My friends even if you can not find the words to convey your feelings, at least smile. For even to smile is to awaken. Yourself and those around you.

Raindrops and Red Lipstick

Rain drops on the window

She touches it gently with her fingertips

She finds the window chilled by the Fall rain

Her mind wanders to warm summer days and warmer kisses

Memories of love

And him

Her mouth, close to the glass leaves steam on the window

She draws an over-sized heart

Then places a kiss in the middle of it

The cold glass is stained with her red lipstick along with the vapor

She draws an arrow  through it before the heart disappears

Then just like that, it’s gone

All that remains are her lip prints

And bitter sweet memories